I Got a Haircut and It Got Weirdly Existential

Why is hair so important?

Before the pandemic, I loved my hair. I had long, curly hair, and I was getting blonde highlights. My hair became a part of me, and I loved it.

When I went back to the salon after the pandemic and having a baby, it just wasn’t the same. Each haircut was worse, and my hair became shorter and shorter. Add in a hip surgery and body image issues, and suddenly my short hair became a representation of what I felt I’d lost.

Like Aslan in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, my power, whether physically or symbolically, was in my lion’s mane.

Which leads me to today. After a bad cut, I decided to go to someone new. Someone who could do a curly cut. It looks okay. I’m honestly not sure and won’t be till I shower and style it. Curly girls know.

So again, I ask, why is hair so important?

Hair represents us. It’s on our head, but it’s also a sign that says, “I’m beautiful,” or “I get up early and flat iron,” or “This shag cut shows how quirky I am.”

Like my glasses and earrings, my hair tells everyone a story. It also tells me a story, and through perimenopause, it’s been chatty.

My hair has been falling out, changing texture, and dare I say, starting to turn grey. As I’m getting older, so is my hair, and I’ve begun to resent it. I always believed my hair kept me young, and now when I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize who I see. The image is me, but it’s a different version of me.

There are so many times in our lives when we don’t recognize ourselves. Perhaps we went through something, and our body now carries it, or we got a bad haircut like the sister in Fleabag. I threatened to shave my head, and I don’t think that’s the answer.

The answer is to show myself some love.

It’s time to break out the walking pad, the face mask and maybe a good book. The hair is simply a symptom of being burnt out and not having enough time for myself.

So I won’t shave my head today. No, I’m going to fix my hair, embrace this new cut, and give my changing and amazing body some grace.

Special shoutout to the hairstylist I’ve never met who let me cry in her chair today. I needed it, and I think these face-framing pieces are going to be amazing.